The only thing worse than a broke ass “man” who can’t even afford to buy his own iPhone is a “man” who steals one and then doesn’t even have the decency to at least make a clean getaway–all, of course, on the L train, the hub of dicklessness and subterfuge.

And so, not only does a “man” who steals a woman’s property while riding the subway smack of the sort who might not be able to penetrate you in any viable fashion, but add on to that the fact that he’s vain enough to take a selfie of himself (another strong characteristic of missing a dick) with said stolen phone and incriminate his being into the police system and, well, you’ve got an incredible textbook case of a “man” with no puh-neese (penis). But, on the plus side, one imagines, at least his youth will be immortalized in a criminal database.