We all get it, Valentine’s Day is a cheesy, often pressure-laden “holiday.” But still, we must submit to it whether we think we can avoid it or not. For to ignore it would be like ignoring that positive STD test you just got back: unwise. Thus, if you want to truly impress the woman in your life on this day of commercialized love, you ought to do more than simply give a gift or shell out for dinner.

At least give her a faint glimmer of an orgasm

What am I talking out? Like Salt-n-Pepa, sex. It’s time to deviate from your missionary/reverse cowgirl norm and do something drastically pleasurable. The reason for saving it for Valentine’s Day? ‘Cause then the bitch might actually get used to your “dick” being equipped for decent fucking on the regular. And we all know you can’t sustain that level of expectation. So come Valentine’s Day, if you can’t mix it up in her vagina, at least have the common decency to give head. It shows you care and might just be in possession of a dick after all.