The snow that falls upon Williamsburg is of a purer, less intense breed. It is softer, whiter and generally less aggressive–kind of like the “men” who live there. Thus, it boggles the mind as to how a “man” could possibly feel inclined to use an umbrella while it’s snowing or in the aftermath of snow. What is he protecting? His $600 hand-knit hat he bought using Shophood to find an adequately expensive store near his condo?

The worst, however, is when a “man’ uses an Apt. 5 umbrella

Even more dickless, however, is when a “man” resorts to an Apt. 5 umbrella from the Duane Reade on Bedford, where he casually drops $100 for the simplest of provisions, including lambskin condoms, Brooklyn Brewery six packs and hair gel. But rather than spending money on an umbrella, he would do well to give that ten dollars to one of the few homeless people still allowed to park themselves in the vicinity. Or at least buy someone “poor” at the Levee a few drinks.