With “Netflix and chill” being the pervasive euphemism that it is, it’s not as though any woman experiences shock when a “man” reaches over her shoulder with his arm and grabs her tit old school-going-to-the-movie-theater-style so as to initiate the inevitable process of disrobement. What’s more shocking, however, is when he does absolutely nothing sexual to her after inviting her over to “watch something.”

“I don’t want your popcorn, I want your dick.”

The only thing that should be watched when a woman is invited over is the gradual engorgement of her vagina as you finger it. And yet, knowing the Williamsburg lot, the only fingering that goes on is in the bowl filled with artisanal popcorn. The utter gall of subjecting a girl you’ve asked to your shittatay but expensive apartment to actually sit through almost two hours of cinematic non-gold (the dickless “men” always choose titles like Die Hard or Scarface as the classics they want to use to “impress” others in terms of showcasing how masculine they are) is completely unwarranted. If you really want to watch a movie in its entirety, do it on your own time, not the time you should be sexually satisfying someone else.