In an ongoing attempt to cater to the worst stereotypes about the bourgeois nature of Williamsburg, the Starbucks on N. 7th between Bedford and Driggs will now put on something called “Starbucks Evenings,” during which they will offer wine, beer and “small plates” for sale, adding to the profit margins of their sordid empire.

Bacon-wrapped dates that look like chodes

Rather than the question being, “Who would actually buy their alcohol from Starbucks?”, the real question, unfortunately, is, “What douche bag ‘man’ about town would be able to resist the convenience and expensiveness of such an offer?” If the Brooklyn Brewery craft beers and Malbec/prosecco isn’t enough to tempt, then it’s certain no “man” can resist the truffle mac and cheese and bacon-wrapped dates being billed as part of the “small plate” crew. At this point, it seems bacon-wrapped dick would be an appropriate addition to the menu as well, because clearly any “man” partaking in “Starbucks Evenings” has given his up, and might as well donate it to suppressing hunger.