Worse perhaps than “men” who fashion their hair into a bun, “men” who wear headbands are saying two of the following things 1) I’m a soccer or tennis player or 2) I wish I was a soccer or tennis player. Usually, it’s the latter, and they are obviously coming to grips with being a non-athletic bitch boy.

It takes a dickless “man” to wear a headband

Still, even those who play sports professionally have no goddamn business wearing a headband. It is a sacred accessory, worn best by women of the 1980s who truly did it up with bow and sequin embellishments to make a statement worthy of such a functional, yet fashionable accent to one’s hair. “Men,” who don’t even go balls out by wearing more flamboyant headbands, instead opting for the bland, thin kind, do not deserve to don this monument to the mane.