Perhaps to regular Missing A Dick readers, the notion of a “man” who asks for permission to slap your backside comes off as a dickful thing to do. You might think, “Hey, this ‘man’ is actually respectful and polite.” Well, in some cases, like if you’re on a quest to marry a missionary, this is what you want. But, in general, you’re looking for a “man” who knows what he wants and goes after it.

It’s true

That’s why a “man” who blubbers, “Can I, uh, smack your ass as you walk by?” is not to be trusted in the long run. He probably also possesses uncertainty about what to do in the boudoir, asking you for instruction at every second. While you might be momentarily offended at getting smacked without warning, there’s nothing like the pleasant sting of a spank to get your attention and in no way make you question the “man’s” bravura.