If you don’t know what Caviar is, congratulations, there’s a chance you might have a dick. If you do, well, maybe this can help you to learn that using an elitist delivery service app is all kinds of indication that you’ve got genitalia issues.

Obviously, you feel the need to prove to whoever you’re ordering in front of (probably a woman who only hangs around you because you buy her shit) that you are far above the basicness of Seamless or GrubHub. Because, clearly, getting food presented to you from places like the Meatball Shop is worth the extra expense of using Caviar–even though you could just goddamn well order from Peter’s Since 1969.