Men Who Attempt Sober January.

I never much understood people who attempted sobriety, whether long- or short-term. Thus, when “men” in Williamsburg and the greater Brooklyn area try to make a big to-do about “sober January,” I feel a little bit queasy. Function without alcohol? But why? To maintain your “mannish” figure? It makes no sense.

"Not for me. It's sober January."

“Not for me. It’s sober January.”

The one good thing about being a “man”—apart from being able to act like a totally condescending asshole and not get called a bitch or a slut for it—is that worrying about your body is not necessary. There will always be a woman with low self-esteem there to make you feel like you have the Ryan Gosling aesthetic that you don’t. So I’m just a hair unclear on why “men” would want to give up one of the only enjoyable social (and often non-social) pleasures there are in this life (especially the life specific to Brooklyn).

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