Just as the “man” who trolls for drunk women on Halloween or tries to have sex with vulnerable relatives on Thanksgiving, so too, does the “man” who DJs on New Year’s Eve have an ulterior motive. Rather than it being about his “art,” DJing on New Year’s Eve signifies a strong desire to have sex with multiple bitches in one evening.

“Men” who DJ in Williamsburg at places like, say, Output or Verboten, are of a particularly strong strain of dicklessness as it is quite obvious they are unable to get as easily laid with their playlist on any other night of the year due to the fact that women are at least somewhat sober enough during non-holiday events to gauge that what they’re playing is shit. But alas, how else is a Williamsburg DJ supposed to have a happy new year if he doesn’t “work” on December 31st?