Okay, so I understand that working is, for the Williamsburg “man,” the equivalent of being poor, but if you must steal something to make money you’re 1) already kind of dickless and 2) shouldn’t steal something with the spineless/lethargic connotations of a MacBook.

And yet, this is exactly what one area “man” has decided to do. From Union Avenue to Graham Avenue, the “man” has preyed on the combination of white affluence and carelessness that has snagged him upwards of at least ten MacBooks. To worsen the matter of his crime, he’s also known to wear a beanie and a hooded sweatshirt, in true cliche 90s hoodlum form. If you’re going to be a burglar, at least come up with an innovative incognito ensemble. Perhaps the only thing that could make it more heinous is if he started to write his novel or screenplay on one of the stolen pieces of merchandise.