When you’re at a bar, wearing your whorish Forever 21 clothes and being both annoyed when a “man” hits on you and annoyed when he doesn’t, there’s nothing worse and more triumphant than when he finally buys you a drink. It’s nice for the obvious reasons in that you’ve just saved some money for the evening, but it’s also horrendous because now you’re, in his eyes, automatically beholden.

There are a number of ways to approach this situation once you’ve quickly guzzled the drink: 1) You can run out the door and go to the next bar, 2) You can entertain the “man’s” flirtations until someone else swoops you away or 3) You can fuck him. The third one is not typically recommended when you’re past the age of 20 as it connotes sluttiness rather than youthful naïveté. It’s also not recommended because if, as a “man,” you need to rely on buying drinks for women (cheap, shitty beer/shots from Lucky Dog, Skinny Dennis, etc., one might add), then you’re probably not very interesting or charming to begin with. At least start by saying something that infers you have magnetism beyond your wallet.