Every year in Williamsburg, we are given the gift of SummerScreen. It’s a time when hipsters and cinephiles (usually one and the same) are able to delight in their geekdom without getting shit about it from other people. It’s also intended for the casual film viewer who’s also looking for an excuse to eat, drink and troll without judgment. Any “man” should understand that choosing the right film to attend is key to his trolling success.

Let’s use this summer’s schedule as an example. If you went to Back to the Future and Zoolander, but decided to skip Cry-Baby or plan to pass up Heathers this Thursday, you are missing a dick in the trolling department (in addition to many other departments, I’m sure). If you decide to go to The Big Lebowski, well, have fun at the sausage fest, you’ve lost your two primary opportunities for heterosexual sex. You may get one final chance at redemption depending on what the audience pick is. If it turns out to be Mean Girls, you’re odds for getting laid just increased tenfold.