With Williamsburg being the new Times Square and therefore the epicenter of foreigners in Brooklyn, you’ll see quite a lot of Italians running around in addition to Frenchies and Turks. This being said, there are also a lot of Jersey types who make their way over to this area in order to troll some of the more L.A.-esque clubs. Between this type of what I call “Olive Garden Italian” and the second and third generation types who seem to have lost their true sense of the old country, there’s a lot of “men” round these parts relying on their so-called “Italian-ness” as a source of charisma.

While I myself am easily tempted by offerings of “salami,” food can only go so far in terms of cultivating a complete personality. Eventually, you’re going to have to drop the fake accent and admit that you’re not from Italy and find a different shtick. I recommend one involving an Italian car over Italian food. A man with a car is, after all, primo in Brooklyn.