It seems as though there’s some sort of disconnect between “men’s” expectations of how instantaneously a woman should get wet versus what actually goes in to getting her wet. For one to expect to be able to thrust a “dick” in and expect immediate lubrication rivals the delusional narcissism of humans once thinking the sun revolved around the earth.

Indeed, a great level of finesse is required to arouse any woman past the age of eighteen who isn’t creaming herself naturally on a regular basis. Granted, most “men” of Williamsburg prefer to date girls in this age bracket, but, should you find yourself saddled with someone age-appropriate in her twenties and above, bear in mind that giving up on getting her wet within the first one to three minutes infers an utter lack of penis. If you’re one of those dickless “men” who doesn’t eat pussy, you could at least make the effort to incorporate a little light nipple licking into the mix. It’s what Koons would have done. And we all know any Williamsburg denizen worth his weight in hipster/gentrifier stereotypes knows that emulating Koons’ sexual openness is best.