Men Who Pretend to Text at a Bar.

It’s hard, in these modern times, to act naturally. That’s why pretending to text or do other shit on your phone has become the new natural. If you’re not touching your phone constantly, you’re obviously some sort of Elliot Rodger type. Because to be alone in a bar automatically makes you a weirdo and/or Rohypnol-carrying rapist.

So alone.

So alone.

The non-dickless thing to do, however, is to just sit there, like the fearless man you could only dream of being, and not touch your phone. This means that even in the most pretentious of Williamsburg bars, including places like Dram or Roebling Tea Room, you must refrain from fake texting/checking your phone if you want to give your nether region dick-worthy status.

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