I’m all for men who eat healthily–within reason. There’s a certain limit, however, to what constitutes being health-conscious and dick unconscious. If you identify yourself as a “hegan,” you should probably strap on a zucchini to replace the void where your genitalia is.

Veggie-obsessed

A “man” shouldn’t even be comfortable identifying himself as vegan, let alone hegan. If you want to do the more cock-promoting thing, make yourself a plate of veggies with a generous side of steak to offset the vibe you’re putting out there about your nether region.