Writing for VICE is all very impressive when you’re trying to be impressive, but there are some “men” who take it just a little to the extreme. They can’t get through a goddamn sentence without mentioning the latest news piece from the publication–especially if they wrote it.

“I just wrote a fantastic piece for VICE about how masturbating is more intellectual than physical.”

For dickless men, there’s nothing more satisfying than being able to tell a girl that he’s “appeared” in VICE. Apart from living in one of those grotesque condos near the waterfront, it’s about the surest way to get a girl to sleep with you. It’s only afterward that she realizes you’ve merely pitched to VICE that she regrets her decision.