As spring is upon us, it seems inevitable that certain “men” are going to start breaking out their Chubbies. For those of you with dicks who don’t know what Chubbies are, they look like a pair of shorts that would only be acceptable to wear in the 80s. They’re extremely short, usually come in unsightly shades and should not be worn by anyone other than Stef in Pretty in Pink.

The shortness is just wrong.

However, there has been an unfortunate resurgence of this 80s-inspired style that appears not only in the Hamptons, but also on the Williamsburg waterfront. I’m not sure where “men” got the impression that it was okay to showcase the tops of their legs (whether smooth or hairy), as this isn’t ancient Rome or Greece, where men were manly enough to get away with chitons and togas. In any case, avoid this spring/summer look at all costs if you want to keep your dick intact instead of showing what little there is of it through the silhouette of these shorts.